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Dear Lisa at 15,

Well, where to begin? Firstly, I’m proud of you, kiddo. You’ve been working since you were 11, big up Alan and Mary at Chino’s Coffee Shop. This grafting mentality will stick with you through life. Remember that pink Motorola flip phone you dreamed of? Yeah, you got that bad boy! Just a heads up, though – don’t get too attached to mastering Snake, it’ll be extinct soon. RIP, old friend.

Keep up those Saturday visits to Our Price on Gosport high street because shops like that won’t be around forever and neither will Walkmans, I’m being serious. Scratched CDs jittering on the same word over and over again will be a thing of the past. It will all play from your phone! I’m not even kidding dude.

So you know all those extra hours you do painting anyone’s face you can get your hands on? Well, that was worth it because you’re a makeup artist now. And FYI Heather Shimmer made a limited edition return a few years ago and seriously, WTF. I actually can’t believe you love that slushy, mauvy brown lip as much as you love Bon Jovi and Alanis.

Shout out to Daphne and Doris, the best Nans ever. Those extraordinary ladies were the epitome of class, grace, and wisdom. Their influence has shaped your life in countless ways, and you’ve become the strong, resilient woman you are today because of them.

They’re gone now but you’ll soon realise the impact they had on your life and what they taught you about makeup. The way they always looked perfect from their hair to the skin to their lips. The way they would dab that lipstick onto their cheeks, lips and eyes without a moment’s thought and blend it to perfection with their perfectly manicured fingertips.

No letter to you would be complete without mentioning your cherry-red Doc Martens phase. You’d smoke out that cherry-red eyeliner on your lash line to match those bad boys. Pretty iconic. You know what isn’t? Overplucked eyebrows, and you can thank your mum for hiding her tweezers from you. Sometimes mothers do know best.

Go and see Dad as much as you can, tell him you love him at the end of every call because one day you won’t be able to. Don’t worry about the 2.2 at Uni, he’ll forgive you, eventually. And you’ll end up laughing about it for hours on end.

Let’s talk boys: you like them… a lot. Maybe too much— lol. But that’s okay because you’ll meet the love of your life in 6 years. He’s quite the catch, the best dancer you’ll ever meet, and together, you’re the ultimate dynamic duo. Who knew that love could be this grand?

Your best friends now will always have a place in your heart. In fact, Holly, Joni and Amy will all be invited to your wedding. But you’re not sticking around on this island. You’re outta here in two years girl. And you’ll make new friendships that will be more like family. Get ready for the fun you’re about to have.

I know right now Mum’s chicken pasta bake layered with ready salted crisps is as exotic as food gets for you. But you will learn to love cooking (the best roast potatoes in the land, mind you) for your family consisting of about a million siblings. You think six is enough, well there’s still one more to come in the form of Eddie. Cherish and love them… but a note to self: watch their thieving ways around your pretty shoes, especially your cousin Georgina. She’ll grow up to look better in your clothes than you do damn it!

Lastly, a nod to David Attenborough and your love for animals. The minute you can fill your home with furry friends, you will. Spoiler alert, these will be in the form of

Diddy, Snoop, and Kimmy. These three will become your children and have filled your life with joy, snuggles, and the occasional chewed-up shoe. But, hey, nobody’s perfect, right?

So, buckle up, young one. You’re in for a wonderful adventure. Embrace every twist and turn, and remember that it’s all leading to a marvelous life full of love, laughter, fabulousness… and champagne – you love that stuff now.

With love, laughter and bucketloads of sequins,

Future You